When I was a liberal*, I didn’t even really know what I was. There were several themes that I followed, almost zombie-like, that were not spoken, really. They were demonstrated by my friends (all liberals), and I mimicked them mindlessly. Let’s run them down.

How to be a liberal:

Rule 1. Be angry. All the time. At everything. Seriously, just presume things are bad and worth being angry about, then you can fit something into it, if need be. It doesn’t have to be explosive anger. You can seethe. That’s fine, too.

Rule 2. Be disingenuous. Make sure that your praise of ANYONE is based on their adherence to the protocols of being a liberal. If they step out of line, they are no longer worthy of praise and must be crushed. Racial slurs and sexual and/or rape innuendos (or outright calling for rape, when women are involved) are appropriate here. They broke the code. They are nothing to you, anymore. Unless they back-pedal. Then, they’re cool again.

Rule 3. Presume everyone is as disingenuous as you are, all the time, about everything, except other liberals. More on that later. Cynicism and true sarcasm are your friend. The more bitter you are, the more you can project that emotion onto everyone around you. Except for:

Rule 4. Other liberals. Believe in the depths of your soul that only liberals can be good in any way. Because all liberals have a “good heart” their actions do not belie a false faith in them. They don’t mean the racist, sexist, horrible things they say or do. They just got emotional, just lost control for a minute (think about that one), or were angered to insanity by someone who was not a liberal. Which leads us to…

Rule 5. Know that you are not responsible for anything you say or do. It’s always someone else’s fault. They made you angry. They made you. Got it? You are NOT in control of your emotions, actions, or anything. This way, when you say something awful to someone, it’s their fault for not being liberal. If another liberal lashes out at you, you are supposed to brush it off because, remember, they didn’t mean it.

Rule 6. Be pompously irate at facts and reality. Proclaim loudly and often that things should not be such-and-such a way, and that something should be done about it! Offer solutions that involve the government coming to “help.” Which leads us to:

Rule 7. Accept that history starts today. Never look at the past with an objective eye. If you do break this rule and look at the past, use all former rules as a filter for what you see.

Rule 8. Be a huge advocate for “choice,” but know that this ONLY applies to a woman somehow having the “right” to kill innocent humans growing in her body. Light bulbs, cars, insurance plans, etc. do not apply here. In all other instances, be an interventionist.

Rule 9. Deny that you are an interventionist, always, regardless of the truth. And, speaking of the truth…

Rule 10. Reality doesn’t matter. Everything must be emotion based…how you FEEL about things. I mean, if you FEEL that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is racist, it IS. See? Easy. The fact that it has nothing to do with race is irrelevant.

Rule 11. When losing an argument, change the subject ever so slightly. Just enough to attack your opponent so they feel they have to defend themselves and their character, and quit debating the topic at hand. Then, if they get mad at you for calling them racist, misogynistic, or whatever, you win because you are calmly sitting back watching them get mad. The fact that the person was right should not occur to you. Block that part of the conversation out and refer to rule number 3.

Rule 12. Use anecdotal evidence whenever possible. The fact that these anecdotes go directly against the vast majority of cases in any variable is irrelevant. And, make sure to use an emotional plea while using said evidence. For instance, besides the fact that 70% of crime is committed by people born in single-parent households, hold up the one person you know that was raised by a single parent, who is not a criminal, and say that there is nothing wrong with single parenthood. You must disregard all the other kids that had a built-in disadvantage at birth, and the hardships they face, because someone didn’t want to give their baby to a loving home with two parents when they had sex out of wed-lock. See, now a “good” liberal would change the subject to rape and incest, to show how heartless I am, when, in reality, it’s people choosing to have sex out of wed-lock that produce vast majority of babies that then suffer due to their choices, not rape or incest.

Now, especially the liberals in the readership are going to be offended by this. They are going to be saying to themselves, “What?! No way! I am nice!” Well, so was I. I was even called “nice” by conservatives. But, my heart was like the Grinch’s. I lauded government programs to “help the poor,” not thinking about how this was legalized theft that didn’t even help the faceless “poor” I’d go on about. I railed against “inequality” and “prejudice,” even though I had no idea that what I was saying was the opposite of what would actually help a society. I’ll do more blogs about why the policies I chose to support were hurtful, when they seemed they’d be helpful. That’s just it, though, isn’t it? I never took the time to learn what the real effects of the policies I supported were. And, that makes a “good” liberal.

Dear liberals who have read this far, instead of getting mad and huffing away: you, too, can be free from the bondage that is liberal thought. My challenge to you is to read Thomas Sowell and Walter E. Williams daily for one month. Then, get back with me. Please do let me know if you are taking the challenge.

I’m not sure, exactly, what made me turn away from my liberal ways. It wasn’t all at once. First, I had to pay taxes, so that was a huge wake-up call. There weren’t even many taxes. Mostly it was a lack of getting redistributed wealth from poor saps who did have to actually pay taxes. More people need to feel that sting so they have the vested interest of reducing that sting, hopefully across the board. Second, I grew up a bit and saw how some prospered and others didn’t and the lifestyle choices that tended to coincide with that. I actually took the time to read Thomas Sowell’s book Basic Economics. Blew my mind. I became avidly pro-life when I read The Declaration of Independence, brushed up on some unbiased science, and saw The Silent Scream. Liberals, watch it. Don’t pooh-pooh what you THINK it is. Watch it. And, read The Declaration of Independence. Just do it.

Better yet, read my book on The Declaration, which has it translated into modern English! Click the link to the right of the blog page, and get your copy TODAY.

When you are done with that read all four of Frederick Douglass’s autobiographies. Seriously. It’s literary butter (and if you knew how much I love butter, you’d know what kind of compliment that is) and will help you to see the Constitution for what it is, why it’s important, and why it matters that you understand.

*”Liberal” is pretty much interchangeable with any kind of statist, and heaven knows that statists have been changing their names from socialist/communist to liberal to progressive back to liberal again, etc. That’s part of rule 11. Shoot, they’ve even gotten some conservatives to be statists…and not even notice! Bravo, liberals…but many of us are on to you. Why not join reality with the rest of us? It’s so much more freeing and the people are just grand. They actually mean it when they compliment you.